Not Broken, Just Bent.

"Lo, and on the 8th day, when God created Dog,
because he thought it would be funny, and Man looked lonely,
God gave Dog these commandments:


"If it smells good, roll in it.
This shall serve to teach Man humility, and will delight Him.

When the sun is warm, sleep in it.
This shall serve to teach Man to slow down, appreciate the finer things, and will delight Him

If remotely appears to look or sound dangerous, bark at it.
This shall serve to keep Man on his toes, and if you do it in the middle of the night, very close to His head with no warning, He may wet Himself. This shall teach Him patience, and will delight Him.

If you eat it, and it disagrees, barf it back up straightaway.
Extra points if you can do thus on His shoes or the carpet. This shall serve to teach Man strength in the face of barf, and shall delight Him."


There are more, my dear human, Bringer of Kibble and Thrower of Ball, but they shall keep for a different day.

Please consider the last closely, preferably as you stroke My Golden Face, and know it, for right now it would serve us both well if you'd just get it over with. Lord only knows what you were eating and where, but it Obviously Disagreed. Any self-respecting Dog would know what to do about it."



Thus are words of wisdom granted onto me by His Golden Loveliness, Mr Bailey McWoofyPants, Knower of Deep Truths, at 2:30 am.
And yes, I'm feeling much better now...