Not Broken, Just Bent.

In most healthy normal humans, if taken, your blood oxygen level is usually at about 100%.
With my grandmother, it was a stellar day if she hit 90%.
Emphysema will do that.

Most normal people start to get odd when they are between 75-85%. Seeing things, talking incoherently, etc.
So when grandmother hit 55% and was raving at a priest about how she should just die, no one really thought much of it.
My mother, bless her, found a priest at 10 pm saturday night, and she had her last rites.
Again.

**

That's how it was these past few years. Up, down, up, down.
One minute, the shade of my grandmother past, the next, a snarling malicious demon.
One day on the razor edge between this world and next, the next day up and around and bitching at the world.

**

She saw her priest saturday night. She made her peace, finally. I can't say that we have.
She stopped fighting everyone, stopped demanding that her god take her, and just... let it happen.

**

I prefer to remember her as the woman who brought doughnuts on sundays. The woman who took us the Maine when we were little, and would let us drink pepsi. I will let what she became fade away, and let what she was be what I hold onto.



I don't know how available I'm going to be for a while... drop an email if you'd like, I'll have my phone on me.

Christmas just don't feel much like christmas anymore.
I'm tired...
- k.