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It is not that there is anamosity between my grandmother and I. There's a great deal of... nothing.
Growing up, I always got the feeling in her eyes I was supposed to be better, do better... but at what, or how, was never explained. Affection was a cold thing that had to be earned, almost.
My grandmother has bee dieing of ALS for the past few years.
Unlike Alzhimer's- the long slow goodbye, this was ALS- the long slow decent into raving abusive bitterness towards life.
I have not seen or talked to my grandmother since... mother's day. But yesterday.. I knew something was up with her. Part of me feels guilty for not calling her more often. The more rational part of me know what kind of day that would trigger for my mother on the other end of the line. So I don't call.
It is likely that she will die very soon. I wish for her sweet release, from this world to the next. She has been miserable in this plane since my aunt died. This next step for her, I'm pained to say, is long overdue.
I do not often ask for favors. But if you have a higher being to whom you commune, please maybe slip in a small request to let her journey on. Let her slip these mortal bonds and be free again.
My mother's heart is just too tired to do it alone.
- k.
Growing up, I always got the feeling in her eyes I was supposed to be better, do better... but at what, or how, was never explained. Affection was a cold thing that had to be earned, almost.
My grandmother has bee dieing of ALS for the past few years.
Unlike Alzhimer's- the long slow goodbye, this was ALS- the long slow decent into raving abusive bitterness towards life.
I have not seen or talked to my grandmother since... mother's day. But yesterday.. I knew something was up with her. Part of me feels guilty for not calling her more often. The more rational part of me know what kind of day that would trigger for my mother on the other end of the line. So I don't call.
It is likely that she will die very soon. I wish for her sweet release, from this world to the next. She has been miserable in this plane since my aunt died. This next step for her, I'm pained to say, is long overdue.
I do not often ask for favors. But if you have a higher being to whom you commune, please maybe slip in a small request to let her journey on. Let her slip these mortal bonds and be free again.
My mother's heart is just too tired to do it alone.
- k.
